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Action Do as you would be done by. 
 
Absent Minded Person One who stands in front of the mirror for hours trying to remember where he had seen the person before.
 
Ambition The only job you start at the top is when you dig a hole. 
 
Atom Bomb An invention to end all inventions.
 
Boss Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
 
Cartoon
 
A device used by newspapers to suggest what the editor dare not say.
 
Cigarette A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
 
Classic A book which people praise, but do not read.
 
College A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.
 
Committee Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
 
Compromise The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest  piece. 
 
Conference The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. 
 
Conference Room A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on. 
 
Credibility If we donít stand for something, we may fall for anything.
 
Criminal A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
 
Dictionary The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
 
Diplomat A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
 
Doctor A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
 
Economists
 
One who tells you what to do with your money after you have already done something else with it.
 
Ecstasy A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
 
Effort About the only thing that comes to us, without effort is old age. 
 
Etc. A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
 
Experience The name men give to their mistakes.
 
Executive The ability to "yawn" without opening his mouth.
 
Executive Ability The faculty of earning your bread through other people's work.
 
Father A banker provided by nature.
 
Lecture

 

An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students, without passing through "the minds of either". 
 
Love Affairs Something like cricket where one-day internationals are   more popular than a five day  test. 
 
Marriage  It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and woman gains her master's.
 
Miser A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
 
Office A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
 
Optimist A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
 
Opportunists One who starts having a bath when he/she accidentally falls in a river. 
 
Pessimist A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in word
 
Philosopher A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
 
Politician One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
 
Procrastination One of these days is none of these days.
 
Procrastination To overcome procrastination commit yourself to deadlines. Break big jobs into small units & get started.
 
Procrastinator A person who much awaits the problem.
 
Procrastinator Increased profits come from training better staff & having fewer of them.
 
Retirement More brains rust out than wear out.
 
Rumour News that travels faster than the speed of sound, fortunately not light.
 
Rumour Remember your tongue is a wet place, anything can slip. 
 
Smile A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
 
S/W Engineer Who is paid for reading this mail.
 
Worry Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
 
Tears The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
 
Yawn The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
 


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